loser phase

hi everyone.

i just wanna share this horrible phase in my life. it has actually changed my life, a lot. around june 2009, i enrolled in this institution after making such a hard decision, whether on staying in the previous university, or move to another, which i would say, would promise a better job and future.

however, the environment was totally different. people around me were those with intelligent brains, with 10As or even more in their hand. they all speak in English, with vast vocabulary which i never heard of before. even in the class, they were like competing again each other to show they're much better. i kept on thinking, this place would never suit me. but, in my life, i never turned back after taking a step further.

things that make it worse, i was too worried if i failed to get good result, unable to fly, so i'll just waste 1.5 years. besides, i heard that we need to compete for the rank, and of course i dont have confident at all to compete with all the geniuses there. my heart beats faster when i heard, a lot of our seniors couldn't make it, and have to further in local uni. so what's the point of doing foundation here while u are able to do degree already?

the whole semester was just a crap for me. i lose weight, don't interact much with others, could not focus on studies, nothing can cheer me up. i envy those who smile, laughed, while no one could ever understand my feelings. ask the person next to me, i was like suffering hyperhidrosis while in class. my hands got wet, i became very stressed in every classes.

i kept all these to myself, until one day, i cannot stand it anymore. i cried while calling my parents, tellin how bad i felt. they even called my previous college to know whether i could go there back or not. and i share this problem with this nice girl. thanks to her, for keep on giving me support. she even suggested me to meet counselor.

the next semester, i ran away from the situation. we split into different classes. although i dont really like that subject, that was the only way for me to recover, to be in these bunch of people not that im racist. ok, i know this would be very general, no one gonna understand. i slowly recovered, i prayed a lot to Allah. please let me become myself again. not this kind of loser.

That horrible phase has actually change my entire life.

Although i did pass the requirements, and alhamdulillah has now studying in other country, i still feel the impact of that 'horrible phase'. to be honest i only tell u half of the story, it was actually worse than that.

SETIAP PERKARA ADA HIKMAHNYA.

yang penting jangan putus ada, and life must go on. jgn ambil jalan mudah dengan buat perkara bodoh, ""life's too short to be wake up with regret""

itu shj. sorry for all the grammar mistakes ;p adios.

taken during that "phase".i was too skinny back then. which is so different now o.O

thanks for lending ur ears, hearing all my problems, jan !